Two days of May

Since I am not really able to post regularly, here is something from two days of May (13.-14.)

I've never felt...

I've never felt so lightly

like with the first step 

I could fly

and I want to give it a try

not just in my dreams

I've never felt so wide awake

seeing the colours of the sounds

touching the air

and I just want to stare

while having my eyes closed

I've never felt so much

and my face is smiling

wants to burst in tears

I'm not afraid of my own fears

waiting for them with curious mind...

Something...

Somewhere deep inside my core

something lives behind the door

something hidden, little dark

crawls in shadows, feels like spark

scary beast, pulses with hope

dreamy demon on the oak

no unicorn full of light

just rainbow in the darkest night

something to love and yet fear

to run away from yet keep near

hard to resist when it calls

but amazing can be all the falls

DreamLand & I

Lost in night

the land of dreams

is opening the gates

diving into sleep

swimming in the clouds

the colours of the sunrise

dancing on my skin

there's no future, there's no past

no matter where I've been

The world of dreams is morning

that lives in deepest night

full of life is, restless

yet can look so still

being somewhere in between

so different but so real

embracing me while wide awake

and more it makes me feel

Poems doodling II.

These ones are from many little pieces of paper collected from my office table...

7/1/19

Whenever I feel…

The part of me is pulsing

Like a ghostly medusa

At the dance

Whenever I feel

My hearts get bigger

Overgrowing the whole me

Hugging whenever has a chance

8/1/19

One step at the time

Coming closer more and more

While the world is spinning around

And my anxiety is its core

10/1/19

Do you know

How the snowy landscape sing?

Can you hear that sound?

The voice that’s spreading wings?

14/1/19

Falling down, tripping

Over my own plans

Who knows what’s right?

Who knows what’s mean?

Blood is dripping from my hands

And I’m just trying to be here

14/1/19

In the silence, cold and dark

There was a little soul and cried

There was little sadness drop

In the darkness, quiet but flop

Tear that falls down on the stone

In the winter chill just go

Freezing deeply, heart of ice

Staying still is great of price

Little soul does not cry now

In her body voice went down

Staying still in coldest world

Is so hard for heart of gold

Yet little soul has just some grace

And some endless dark in place

Little soul without a name

Knows she will live one more day

15/1/19

Closing my eyes

See the world coming

Hiding the real

Start feeling alive

The body is heavy

And light as it’s flying

Smile so weird and silly

With no more deprive

16/1/19

Inside me

Just really inside

Or better say

Everywhere

Not attached to the body

The feeling of…

It’s hard to say

Words are not coming

It’s something and nothing

So loudly it’s screaming

A word doesn’t have to say

17/1/19

And then my crazy thoughts

Given the way to go

Start rushing around

Thinking everything or so…

22/1/19

Trying not to be afraid

Trying not to fall

Black fox in a den

And I’ve just got the joke…

12/2/19

Drifting away, fading out

Never again, look around!

Strength has left me

Hands are weak

Crawling on all four

Trying to reach the peak

No time to slow down

No place to rest

Lost in endless

Trying to find my nest

My skin is cold

And head is light

Dreams are pulling

No thoughts of fight

Will is sleeping

No time to blink

So, most of things

Are about to sink

One last moment

To dance through night

To feel the music

As long it’s right…

My spring

13/4/19

That slight smile on my face

that calmness, warmth and peace
I haven’t felt for many days
and now I am at ease

I’ve still found no reason
yet now I feel alive
in best of all the seasons
me too I start to thrive

Spring in my heart has started
in many ways it blooms
embracing all uncharted
and dance through all the rooms

Happy, sad and hopeful,
loving and just pinch of fear
it all may end tomorrow
so I am living now and here

Sand

I’m still finding sand

In my shoes and in my pockets

From the time I went

To walk my soul down the beach

Whitest shells around my feet

Small reminders to be found

For the first time I don’t fight

The urge to pick one up

Live it through and let it go

What has happened to me?

I used to collect light and dark

Holding onto darkest piece

Like an anchor in the stream

Stuck while there’s no ship to hold

But now I’m not bothered by the cold

Waves that are crawling on my skin

I am just happy I can feel…

Poems doodling I.

Some people are doodling pictures. I am doodling poems.
These ones are from my work meetings.

4/2/19

One cold little spark that froze
in the morning thanks to night
beauty in the whitest snow
And the footprints don’t seem right

Waking up yet remains still
Like snow-white silence in my heart
day like circle seems to be
staying here but doesn’t start

4/3/19

What to do and where to go
empty heart and scattered soul
gray wings of butterfly ghost
and no good news about to post
feeling weak and feeling sore
feeling like I’m missing core
want to run but have no strength
making few steps to no length
try to move but staying still
blowing weakly on wind mill
falling down but get no sleep
just wait in silence for the reap
passed out on top of the hill
guess it’s end of all the thrill…